Six weeks until the beginning of classes! I must admit that I cannot remember being this motivated for undergraduate work. School was about school at the time, but also about friends, working on emotional things, and the joys of living in the Pioneer Valley. Undergraduate years were very different.
Graduate work is an entirely different world. I feel that my head is completely empty now, and ready to learn all about design, art history, methods of writing for my new field, etc etc etc. Exciting and frightening feelings all at once. Inspired this summer by the writing of Helen Keller. There is such a depth in her words---perhaps because it took such hard work for her to learn them. She takes joy in the smallest things, the feeling of lily flowers blowing against her hand in a field, the feeling of sunshine on her face. She graduated from Radcliffe---spending years with her teacher fingerspelling each lecture and book into her hand. If she could do that, I can do this.
There is a reading schedule for myself--- and I've carved out a study nook from my little studio apartment (you'd be amazed to see the way that bookcases can line up and become a "wall"
I also want to keep up with my knitting, and my jewelry shop. It will be interesting to see the way the Winter Holiday rush works with the end of semester rush! But Pearl by the Sea is very important to me, and I'm so proud to think of the 150 + pieces of my work that are out and about all over the continent, and also as far away as Germany, England, and France!! They are keepsakes for mothers, gifts for friends, little treats for their buyers. Creating jewelry for sale is a very interesting and challenging kind of work. Complex pieces that I love to make may not be my biggest sellers, while simple pieces (like my knot rings) fly out of my shops. It's amazing to see.
There is a challenge to find time for everything. My job, my school, my shop, my hobbies, my friends. Everything without getting overwhelmed. Everything with very small amounts of money to spare :P I am missing my annual July trip to the valley, but hoping that a fall trip will happen. There's a dizzying stack of art history books around me, and big smiles because I am finally getting my graduate degree. I do sometimes feel 10 years behind myself. Emotional and Legal situations around my sexual assault as a kid definitely created a detour. I've felt very ashamed about that at times. Friends have advanced degrees by now, they have husbands, they have childrens, they have their own houses. But 34 without a husband or kids or a house, or published writing, or an advanced degree is where I need to be right now. I have a little jewelry endeavor, I have a graduate programs, friends I adore, and a great family. Everything else will come later.
So I'm learning is to respect these detours, because you need to take them, and they fill in the weak spots. I'll be a much better mother at 40 than I ever could have been at 30. And enough introspective babble right now, I have to find some breakfast and have a productive day before I head to the zoo with friends.
